My "What Not to Wear" Intervention

One Sunday morning I was as usual fussing and whining about what to wear. I have over the years and the pregnancies managed to add a few minor 15 pounds or so. David of course gets really tired of my moaning about how nothing fits, so he threatened to withdraw a certain amount of money and make me go shopping. I naturally protested as any neurotic and shopping inhibited mother would. After a few days of considering I agreed.

It started very small. I thought, well I really should get some jeans that a)don't have holes, or almost holes and b)don't create the muffin top look around the waist. Then David added the stipulation. No Goodwill and No Plato's Closet. What?! I mean, Huh?! Where in the world am I supposed to go then? hmmm?? What do you mean a regular store? And what pay $20 for a pair of jeans?! Unreal! Again time passed. More time passed this time.

I finally decided to look at the situation from the vantage point of TLC's "What Not to Wear".

Step one, accept that it is ok to get rid of clothes that do not fit, or only fit kinda ok. I tried on everything in my closet. I left only the things that I knew fit well. I was down to about 2 nice shirts I could wear to church and 6 t shirts. Yikes! Needless to say I took down and rehung everything else several times before I started to really feel ok about the whole thing. Honestly the boxes haven't left the house yet, but I promise that they will. Three boxes of clothes and shoes that I should not be wearing anymore. Then I moved on to . . .

Step two,Ok, so what are the basics of a good, versatile wardrobe. All of my previous shopping expeditions have been more of a what's on the racks that fits and doesn't look too worn. Now I had a new goal: scour the internet for a list of wardrobe basics. I spent an afternoon and found some really interesting websites, but I also found certain items being listed several times. These I compiled into my list of the basics of a good wardrobe. With list in hand I then began searching the internet stores to get basics on prices and figure out which things were a priority on my list. We, or David really, enlisted the advice of the best dressed woman we know, Laurel. She helped me see what things we needed first and mentioned where the best places were to shop.

I admit (sorry Laurel) I was skeptical. Eddie Bauer and Macy's. Well, Macy's is an hour away and I am just not ready for that, nursing mother and all, so I planned for Target, Old Navy, and Eddie Bauer. I thought for sure with all the advertising by Old Navy about their different jean fits that one would work. Nope! Nada! Apparently, in Old Navy land there is one body type supermodel. i.e. a girl with no pooch. That would not be me! Their shirts were almost as bad. Too tight up top and so long they hit my thighs. hmm. Not the best way to begin a shopping trip. Alas, I persevered. Target. I had a pair of jeans from Target that I had purchased second hand and they fit ok, except for being a lower rise than a woman of my, umm, shape should wear. I have learned my lesson. Target's pants were made for small people. Really, really small people. Happily, after that things improved. Skirts are much more forgiving than jeans. Shirts are also a great deal there, especially when you get the right size! I once was a small . . . . not anymore. O happy day I left there with 5 tee shirts, some short and some long sleeved in basic black and white and an A line black skirt. On to Eddie Bauer. I Found Jeans! They cover my fat roll!!! YEA!!! And the cherry on top was that the jeans were on sale! Downside, they were on sale to move the merchandise to make room for the slightly altered line of jeans. I only could find one pair that fit. Then I looked at my list, a denim jacket. Really? Can I?

(Sidenote, me being the tomboy type nerd that I have been most of my life, I have always wanted a denim jacket, but never got one. For me it is something of a cool person status symbol. Pathetic I know, but it is an integral part of the story.)

I pick up a large since, well the Relief Society waggle has made its appearance. I am in the dressing room when David calls to let me know that the baby is screaming and refuses to take a bottle, so can I please wrap up and come home. Duh! What do I do? I begin to berate myself for having spent so much time worrying about me and neglecting my child, somebody call Child Services! I think well the jacket isn't too tight, so I hurry to desk and check out. A jacket, a pair of jeans and a nice reversible belt (from the women's section no less!) $$$$. Ok, no time to stress about that now I gotta get home. I perused the receipt on my drive home while my hands begin to shake because I have been so focused that I forgot to eat for umm, 8 hours or so. I nearly faint. I spent how much on a belt!!!! 40! That is just not right. Even if the belt is reversible. That is still 20 bucks per side and more than I think a belt should cost. No matter, drive now, stress later.

I arrived home assuaged the hunger pains and shyly showed my purchases to David. He naturally liked them all, though he mentioned that the jean jacket made my shoulders look boxy. The really funny part of the jean jacket story is that I thought it would be ok for me to wear the jacket with the jeans. ok, 90's! It is a sad day when your husband has a better sense of women's fashion than you do. I was sure I was right so we consulted the fashion guru. umm, no you cannot wear a denim jacket with jeans unless you're refilming an exact copy of Saturday's Warrior, particularly the Zero Population song. Wasn't that guy soo cool! hehe. Now I am depressed. I thought I was learning something about fashion here. Obviously not. Well, since all I have is jeans, the jacket had to go back with the outrageous belt. And it did. But I am not there yet.

It had now been a few days and i needed to "finish" my shopping. Yeah, now I realize I will never really finish, will I? I went to Target again to hunt for shirt I could wear to church and managed to find a white tailored button down, short sleeved, for spring and a pink v neck thin cable sweater. Very good! Interchangeable with my new skirt as well as the three others that I am keeping since I can breath when I wear them. On to Eddie Bauer, again. I returned the offensively priced belt and the beloved jacket and then began to look around. I tried to find another pair of jeans. no luck. I tried to get myself to try on a skirt. no luck. (I cannot yet pay 70 for a skirt) I found some Khaki's on sale. cute, casual, but not so casual that I couldn't wear them to a nice dinner. This is good. Now I think, well if I have khakis now, does that mean I could rationalize the jean jacket back into my closet. And hey, what if I needed a smaller size. It was worth a shot. It really is amazing how much better the right size looks. I smiled and turn red when I go to the desk, having to face the guy that rang up my refund not 10 minutes before with the very same item he just hung back on the rack. "umm, it turns out I needed a smaller size." I know I am an awkward person. But that's ok, because I am cool and have a denim jacket.

I have more items on my list and never fear there will be more adventures. I haven't tackled the buying shoes from a store instead of working with my sisters' trade-ins from my mom's basement. Soon. Very soon.